What are blogs for? I said when I started this that our purporse was to share stories of Isaac. In fact, there are multiple stories it seems I've started and not returned to. However, the passing days bring new journey that takes precedence over what was intended for this site. Like this past week; there's so much I need to get out... to talk about. It's a little soon, but writing helps me process. And I need to process these days. Thanks for taking the time to read....

Moses writes in Psalm 90: "Teach us, O LORD, to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Well, numbering my days is actually what I've been doing. It turns out, you already know, that there was no pulmonary embolism but instead something related to my GI tract that is causing issues. So I really didn't stare death in the face any more this past week than at any other time in my life. But it sure felt like I did... repeatedly. On Monday the doctor said a clot had lodged in my lung and that it had to pass through my heart to get there. He continued with the startling and not so gentle announcement, "Yeah, if it had been any bigger it would have killed you." His coolness and dismissive nature angered and troubled me. This was my life he was talking about. I'm only

30. Janet and I have been married less than 3 years. We have a 2 month-old. How could he act so callous. Death, though, is, in fact, part of life. That wasn't God's plan from the beginning. His Word, the Bible, is very clear about that. Life was to be lived in complete joy and sweet fellowship with Him forever. And how thankful we are, as followers of Jesus Christ, that Heaven will be just that, as God always intended it to be. Again, in Scripture we're comforted with the truth that "to be absent from the body is to be present with the LORD". And Jesus said that He has prepared a place for us that where He is we might be forever. What incredible and abiding truth!!
Still, I have to say I wasn't ready to go. Now, I'm confident that Heaven awaits me after death because of the grace and mercy of God expressed through Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross. But I still wasn't ready. As I held our little Isaac I wept at the thought of missing him growing up, not being there for baseball games and someone else teaching him to fish. My heart ached at the thought of Janet becoming a widow at 29; who would walk beside her, with whom would she share her life? What 30 year-old has to even think of these things. Part of this whole experience seemed so unfair. The other part pure divine. For God redeems all things and really does "work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes". Numbering our days, as Moses ask of God, is an important part of this journey of walking with Jesus.
So many times growing up my parents shared the little poem, "Only one life twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last." Walking the 5th floor halls of Henrico Doctor's Hospital I started praying and asking Christ about what might last when my life was over. And I discovered as He gently walked me through the pages of my life's story a tremendous sense of mediocrity and complacency. Oh, there's always a desire in me for something more... to be a better husband, father, son, brother, friend, student, employee. But I've been content to look to another day, somewhere ahead, when I might be all that God has created me to be. A day when the purpose God ordained for my life is fulfilled. Well, today is that day.... Life for me has become about the next 5 minutes. There is no surety or promise in tomorrow. It may never come. All we have is really right now. And that's where I must live radically and passionately and totally for the glory of God.
Moses asks that God would teach us to number our days so that we might gain a heart of wisdom. What is wisdom? I've heard wisdom defined as: seeing life from God's perspective. And that seems right. I'm easily distracted and tragically satisfied by the silliest and most temporal things. God calls me to incredible intimacy with Him, and I settle for the next season of
Survivor. God calls me to make His Gospel known among the nations, and I settle for being a "good neighbor". God calls me to feast on His Word, and I settle for devotional thoughts on the radio or a few minutes reading before rushing out the door. But seeing life from God's perspective means that I understand the wonder of knowing Him and being His and living in complete abandon to Him. Funny thing is that this is a lesson I thought I had already learned while studying at Berry College or living in the deserts of Chad. How gracious our God is to patiently teach us again and to continually draw us deeper into fellowship with Him.
The words of Annie Flint's hymn capture so much of what I'm thinking and feeling:
He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,To multiplied trials he multiplies peace.When we have exhausted our store of endurance,When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,When we reach the end of our hoarded resourcesOur Father’s full giving is only begun.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,His power no boundary known unto men;For out of His infinite riches in JesusHe giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.